


Predetermined

by JustForGyu



Category: Infinite (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-05
Updated: 2015-02-05
Packaged: 2018-03-10 15:54:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3296135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustForGyu/pseuds/JustForGyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts with one comment and ends with rainy days.<br/>Sunggyu finds his old blog. Curious, he takes a look at it after four years and sees one comment on one of his videos. He decides to reply.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Predetermined

It is just by chance that he finds his old blog that day.

He is moving out, decided to live with friends during university. The note is in between his things, a username and password scribbled on it, together with a website link.

Sunggyu remembers how he had made that blog quite some time ago, but had given up on it because he didn't have the time for it.

Smiling to himself, he opens the Website. He decides to take a look at his old covers.

His page is pretty unknown, and only a few people had ever watched his videos. He never did get any comments, so there was no drive to continue covering songs, either.

When the page finally loads and he logs in. He doesn't expect the new notification he receives.

Seems that he got his first comment, after four years.

"You have a very nasal voice, you should work on that. How about singing in a lower register?" Sunggyu reads out loud. He snorts. Is this person serious?

"I gave up on singing, so that should be no problem anymore. Though, maybe I will try it during karaoke someday." Sunggyu types out. Sure, he will get the guys and enjoy an evening, singing not nasal.

Sunggyu smiles, closing the website.

***  
It's been a few days, since he moved in with his friends and yet, Sunggyu still hasn't organised all his stuff. Howon had given him an ear full, so Sunggyu gave in and decided to finally sort his things.

He finds his note again, remembering that one comment. He wonders, if that brat replied to his comment.

Sunggyu isn't offended by that comment. He just thinks that 'you are very nasal' is a very childish way of putting it.

Or maybe he is indeed offended?

Whatever it is, Sunggyu decides to see, if he got a reply or not. The comment is two years old, so receiving a reply is highly unlikely.

When he loads the site though, he does find a reply to his comment.

"Great. Tell me about it." Sunggyu snorts this time after reading it out. This brat is seriously pressing all the wrong buttons.

"You little... Hey! Howon! Dongwoo!" Sunggyu yells, after opening the door leading to his room. "Up for Karaoke? My threat!"

"Sorry Hyung, not interested." Dongwoo yells back.

"Howon?"

"No! I don't sing!"

"Fine!" Sunggyu slams the door shut, sitting back down in his chair.

He thinks about a way to reply, but doesn't know exactly what to write. He could just leave it, but he doesn't want to lose to this person. Whoever he is, Sunggyu decides, he can't stand him. "Hmm... How about we meet and you judge for yourself?"

As if that person would agree to such a ridiculous idea.

But surprisingly he receives a reply, saying okay, asking for time, date and place.

This boy, man... seriously?

Why would he just agree, to meet a random person? For all he knew, Sunggyu could be some perverted murderer, and slice him open.

Then again, Sunggyu is the one who knows less about this person. And he is the insane one, who even suggested such a thing.

But to chicken out now... he can't just do that. He would look like an idiot. It's Christmas soon, so sometime before then.

“On the 13th, 6pm in front of the Karaoke place near the main station.” He adds a few more details and clicks the send button. So in one week...

He hopes to not regret this.

The next day, Sunggyu receives another reply, agreeing with his suggestion, and adding a few details.

Sunggyu contemplates practising his singing before they meet.

***  
Embarrassing.

Even though Sunggyu set up the date, he is late for it. Judging by that guy's first comment, he would give some snobby remark. Sunggyu can just imagine it.

And it just has to rain.

Finally, he arrives in front of the karaoke place, searching for shelter.

He looks around, searching for someone with a blue Jacket. But he can't find anyone fitting the description.

He must have left already. Sunggyu looks at his watch. He is almost half an hour late for their meeting, and completely drenched.

This is just not his day. He should leave, no need to stay anymore.

Sunggyu walks out of the place, bracing himself to run back to the station. The rain just keeps pouring worse.

And then he sees him. Blue Jacket, red cap, standing right outside, staring at the sky. He fits the description.

Sunggyu opens the door. What was his name again... “W..Woohyun!”

Said boy turns around, looking at Sunggyu.

Sunggyu can't believe that boy. He runs out, grabs Woohyun's hand, and pulls him into the place.

“Kim Sunggyu?” The boy asks, not even bothering to shake the rain off.  
***  
Sunggyu finds out, that Woohyun is not at all as he imagined the boy to be. He expected some knew-it-all teenage boy, not someone as quite as Woohyun, who would keep a half-smile on his face, agreeing to almost everything he said.

The fighting-spirit had left Sunggyu, instead he had easily fallen into a conversation with Woohyun. He can't really say that he enjoyed himself. The awkwardness between them, as two strangers, was very much present. But it wasn't unpleasant.

In fact, they had set another date for a meeting.

There is just one thing Sunggyu doesn't like about this whole arrangement. Woohyun is behaving kind of distant. It's as if he is looking somewhere far away, his gaze never resting on anything in front of him.

And those half-smiles are kind of upsetting, too.

“So, how was your meeting with, I quote 'The brat',” Dongwoo asks, walking into his room.

“It went just fine. And he is not a brat.”

“Finally found a friend who shares your passion for singing?”

“No, he doesn't sing. I was the only one singing.” Sunggyu scribbles the next sentence down, only to erase the whole thing again.

“Weren't you supposed to karaoke together?”

“I sung, he gave critic. He said he can't sing, so I didn't force him to. I recommended him a few songs. Apparently he isn't keeping up with trends anymore.” Sunggyu answers, trying to find a way to express himself.

“What are you writing?” Dongwoo leans over, trying to sneak a look.

“A list with a few movies, and my views on them.”

“Why?”

“Because Woohyun isn't keeping up with trends. We are meeting at the cinema the next time. Get out of my light.” Sunggyu pushes Dongwoo slightly.  
***  
Sunggyu finds out that Woohyun doesn't like anything. The boy literally has no preferences. He just goes along with everything, taking it as it is.

“How about a horror movie next time?” Sunggyu asks because Woohyun doesn't look like he enjoyed the action movie just now.

“I don't mind.” Woohyun shrugs, agreeing to the idea. “I listened to the songs you recommended me. They are quite enjoyable, but I think the lyrics give them a much too deep meaning.”

 

“That's the engrossing thing about them. The lyrics gain so much meaning, it makes you comeback to the song, over and over, to think about it.” Sunggyu explains.

There is something very fascinating about Woohyun. No matter what it is, he will take a listen to it, watch it, or read it, and then share his opinion about it. And the fact that the younger knows almost nothing about the current trends, gives Sunggyu room to fill his gaps. Sunggyu enjoys, how Woohyun is slowly taking an interest to the not-so-mainstream things he loves.

Woohyun has a very interesting way of thinking, and Sunggyu finds his opinion on everything quite necessary. If he can manage to make Woohyun like whatever he has in mind, he celebrates for days.

Since not many of his friends share his interests, for Sunggyu this is a welcome change.  
***  
“I got your mail about that new movie. It's coming out on Friday. I have no time though. I need to attend lectures for the whole day. How about Saturday, after I'm off work?” Sunggyu asks, after ordering a cup of hot coffee

“I'm free.” Woohyun informs.

“I actually thought about something. You know that musical group who will start touring Korea next month? How about going to one performance? We could stay in a hotel over the weekend. I won't have any lectures either.”

“The foreign one you talked about? My English isn't too good.”

“There will be translations on screen. It will work out. Do you have time?” Sunggyu inquires. He has actually been waiting for those performers to come to Seoul.

Howon had told him that he would love to join him, but Sunggyu turned him down. He wants to go with Woohyun.

“I can't stay over the weekend. My brother can drive us there and back.”

“Sure, then let's do it like that.” Sunggyu smiles.

Woohyun smiles back, same sad smile on his face.

The distance Woohyun kept to him, still hasn't faded. Woohyun is still as guarded, as he was during their first meeting, but Sunggyu finds it fascinating. Actually, he is sure that the younger has opened up to him quite a bit. Even though there is still something distant about Woohyun, Sunggyu can't help but love the idea of breaking Woohyun's wall. Even if it may take some time.

As they wait for their order, Sunggyu looks out the window. It's raining again. It's always raining when he meets the younger. Somehow the rain reminds him of Woohyun. Of how Woohyun stood underneath the rain, when they first met... of Woohyun's characteristic sad smile.

For some odd reason, Sunggyu grew to love the rain.

“This reminds me! Woohyun, do you mind giving me your phone number? This emailing isn't very convenient.”

“I don't have a phone.”

“Too bad. Do you want to get one? I could help you choose.”

“... I don't really want one.” Woohyun replies. “Our order is here.” The younger informs, as the waitress brings them their coffee.

“I will just go to the toilet.” Sunggyu excuses himself.

When he gets back, Woohyun is already half through his order. Sunggyu sits down, realizing that his shoelaces have come undone.

He bends down to lace his shoes. When he wants to sit straight again, he bumps his shoulder into the table, causing it to jump slightly.

“Damn, my shoulder.” Sunggyu complains, as he comes up.

As he looks at the table, he sees how the younger is holding on to his hot coffee. “Shit, Woohyun!” Sunggyu shouts at him, grabbing the coffee out of Woohyun's hand and dragging him out of his seat. “Shit!” Sunggyu repeats, tightly holding on to Woohyun's hand.

Sunggyu drags Woohyun into the bathroom, turning the water on, and holding Woohyun's hand underneath it. “Are you insane? Why did you hold on to that damn drink?” Sunggyu scolds. He can't believe it. Wooyhun's hand is a deep shade of red, burned by his coffee.

“It tilted over. It would have been wasted.” Woohyun tries to reason, not looking up at Sunggyu.

 

“Who cares about that coffee? Look at your hand! Shit! It's all burnt! Your whole palm is burnt! You shouldn't have cared about that damn drink!”

“It's not important.”

“What's not important? You hand? Are you crazy? You brunt your hand and it's not important? Would you have jumped out a window because your body is not important? No! Of course, it's important! It's your fucking life! You wouldn't waste it like that!” Sunggyu scolds. For some reason, he is oddly worked up. Woohyun's bright red hand reminding him as to why.

It's his fault that Woohyun's hand is burnt.

He pulls Woohyun's hand further under the cold water-stream, turning the water up to it's fullest.

Then he turns back to Woohyun and his anger disappears. “See. I told you. Idiot! So what if the coffee is wasted? I would order another one.” Sunggyu explains in a comforting tune, loosening his strong grip on Woohyun's hand. “It would be better than you hurting right now." Sunggyu scoffed light-heartedly. “Stop crying now. If someone walks in, he will think I made you cry.”

"I...I'm sorry." Sunggyu hears Woohyun stutter. "Sorry."

"It's ok! Stop crying. Just take better care next time."

Woohyun nods silently, trying to hold back the tears, as the cold water runs over his numb hand. "I'm sorry."

 

Sunggyu smiles only, patting Woohyun's back for comfort.

 

***

Woohyun disappeared on that day. Sunggyu never saw him again. He had checked his blog again and again; looked into his inbox every few minutes but nothing ever came.

Maybe Woohyun didn't like him after all... That would explain the sad smiles every time they met. The distance...

But Sunggyu just can't forget about Woohyun. The short meetings they had, the few conversations they shared, that last time, where they argued and Woohyun ended up crying and apologizing. He just can't forget them. He can't forget the younger that easily.

He didn't want to admit it before but he has fallen for Woohyun. He has fallen for the boy with the cutest smile, yet saddest eyes. He was deep, the moment he first met Woohyun, standing under the rain and staring up into the sky.

Sunggyu wrote Woohyun emails, tried to get some contact over his blog. He spammed Woohyun for weeks but nothing ever came back.

Sunggyu is about to give up. He can't explain his sudden emotional state. He would gaze out the window, deep in thoughts more than just once...

It's always raining since Woohyun cut contact with him. He starts to hate the rain. It irks him to no end. A remainder of Woohyun.

"Can't you stop?" Sunggyu mutters, not paying any attention to his friends talk.

"I'm sorry?" Sungyeol asks confused.

"I can't stand it. Why can't the rain stop for once? Fuck! I hate it!" Sunggyu stands up, knocking his chair over. The sudden anger that overcomes him confuses his friends.

"Sunggyu? Are you alright?"

"I'm not alright! Why does it have to rain? Why does it have to remind me of that asshole? It's not my fault that he cut contact so why am I so affected by it? Why is it that all I see is his face, his smile when he would look at me. Why is it that I can't forget him! That Bastard disappeared just like that but why did he have to take my heart along! Why couldn't he leave before I fell? Why do I have to feel this way? It fucking hurts!" Sunggyu clutches his chest, the sudden pain unbearable.

This is insane. This whole thing is insane! It's all Woohyun's fault. That Bastard played him fine. Looked at him, smiled at him, cried in front of him and then took his heart, just to leave him in the end.

Sunggyu feels suffocated. No matter what he does, everything starts with Woohyun and ends with Woohyun. The memories hunt him. He just can't forget them.

And Woohyun? Woohyun threw him away just like that, cutting off any contact.

Sunggyu's heart has been thrown apart, even before he had the chance to confess anything.

He collapses onto the ground, his tears coming with deep breathes while his friends surround him.

"Hyung? Hyung! Are you alright?"

"Make it stop! Make the fucking rain stop! I hate it! Absolutely hate it!" Sunggyu whispers in between tears, not caring anymore.

All he sees is Woohyun, all he hears is Woohyun, and yet, all he feels is pain.

***  
It's been five years since then, Sunggyu has graduated from university.

He has been feeling eerie the whole day. The weather seems to agree with him, as dark clouds cover the sky, foreshadowing a storm.

Sunggyu hurries home, not wanting to get caught up in the rain.

When he arrives home, he is surprise to find someone in front of his door. The man is in a suit, and seems kind of familiar.

"Hello. I'm sorry but do you have any business with me?"

"Are you perhaps Kim Sunggyu?"

Sunggyu can't help but think, he saw this man before. Who is this? "Yes. Do we know each others?"

The man suddenly bows deeply, remaining in that position while talking. "I... I'm very thankful. I know there is no way I can show you, just how grateful I am, but please know that we are very, very thankful! We will forever be indebted to you. If you ever need anything, no matter what, please call me and let me know. I will help as much as I can." The man says, still head bowed in front of Sunggyu.

"Please! I didn't do anything. I'm sorry, but I don't know what you are talking about." Sunggyu reaches for the man, trying to ease him back into a straight position.

Sunggyu doesn't know how to react to a grown man, crying in front of him.

"Thank you! Thank you so much, for making his last few days so precious. Thank you, for bringing back his smile. We won't ever be able to repay this debt. Thanks to you, he smiled for us, smiled while he took his last breath. I would have come earlier but we only found out recently, and had a hard time finding out where you live. Thank you for being next to my brother, in his last few days."

 

Sunggyu feels his skin grow cold. He doesn't understand, doesn't want to understand.

"Thank you for accompanying Woohyun until the end."

Woohyun...

The Woohyun who had thrown him away... Woohyun who cut off contact with him.

The Woohyun he fell in love with.

That Woohyun can't be the person this man is talking about.  
***  
It's raining again.

Sunggyu stares out the window, his mind blank.

All the feelings he had stashed in the back of his heart, fight to come out, to hunt him again, after he finally had managed to get over them.

Woohyun.

The boy he had fallen for in such a short time span; the boy he had learned to detest.

The boy who threw him away.

The fact, that that boy died, just won't register in his mind.

Sunggyu holds the letter between his fingers, not ready to open it just yet.

Woohyun's brother had given it to him before leaving, saying that Woohyun had addressed it to him.

Sunggyu doesn't want to open it.

He doesn't want his heart to fall apart again. Woohyun cut him out of his life, so why is he invading Sunggyu's like this.

Even though Sunggyu's is more than curious, he can't afford to be shred to pieces again. He knows, this time, he wouldn't be able to recover. He won't ever be able to recover again.

Sunggyu stands up, now trembling fingers holding on to the letter, as he walks towards the trash bin.

Since it hurt, hurt so much, he moved on.

This time, this once he will be selfish. He won't read the letter. He won't let old wounds hunt him, and new once be inflicted. Woohyun threw him away, so why should he care?

This once he will be selfish, and not read the letter.

Sunggyu's gaze never leaves the window.

He drops the letter into the trash bin, as the rain stops.

If he keeps hating Woohyun, his death won't affect him. He just needs to keep hating Woohyun, just that.

He walks away, a treacherous tear escaping his eye.

***

 

It's called Destiny for a reason...

 

"Hi Sunggyu Hyung...

I don't know where to start. I never wrote anything like this. I don't want to write this, but I think, if someday you find out about my death, you should have the right to know what happened.

Remember, how we met through my comment on one of your videos? I left that comment two years before our first contact. That comment I left before finding out I had cancer, brought us together.

I never thought I would get a reply to that comment. When you replied to my comment, the day of my death had already been determined. I had given up on life, but lived for my family.

You know what's worse than knowing you will die soon? Knowing that your child, your brother is be one step closer to death, with every passing day, and you can't do anything about it. In the end, I will be gone, but they will still feel the pain of loss.

It was with that in mind, that I tried to live for them, tried to pretend to care. So when you replied to my comment, I thought I would keep writing you, show them that I do live life, and contact people. I had cut contact with everyone else by then.

When you asked for a meeting, it all seemed to work out perfectly. I planned to use you for the sake of my family.

But I didn't expect that our meeting would turn into meetings. I grew attached to you. At one point, I couldn't help but look forward to our meetings.

My life had been worthless for me, since I found out about my death. But that changed, thanks to you.

I never wanted for us to grow so close. But that first time you screamed at me for being an idiot and burning myself; I think it was then, that I realized how important life is. That I should have cherished it, instead of giving up on it.

I didn't cry because the burn hurt, I have grown somewhat numb to pain.

I cried, because I finally understood, that I threw away the rest of my precious life . Every thing you said said was true. I wasted my life.

I realized how important life is, how important you are. Because it's you who made my life seem worth living again.

I had fallen for you, and yet I had given up on everything even before meeting you.

That day, after returning home, I kept crying. Honestly I didn't want to die anymore. I wanted to live. Fate seemed so unfair, throwing you at me, when I had given up on everything.

I found you, whom I can't give up.

Remember our first meeting? How it was raining? That first time you called my name was in that rain. Since then, no matter where, I keep hearing you calling out my name, when the rain falls.

I parted with you without telling you anything because it will be easier for you, wouldn't it? I tried my best to keep a up the facade, so that you won't notice anything and I think I did good, don't you agree?

I didn't want you to cry. I didn't want to see you cry. It would hurt.

Isn't the rain beautiful? Don't you think, rain represents death? It's as if people are crying because they are dying. Crying, because they lose their life and yet, rain in itself is harmless. The thing that makes rain so dangerous, is the wind. The wind which stands for the people left behind. Because in the end, they will be the ones who are still able to feel, to cause damage, to be damaged...

I think I may be overdoing it now.

I'm sorry for entering your life and leaving like this. And to have left like that. After those words from you, meeting you was just too hard. I was ashamed. I did exactly what you accused me of. 

Still, I... I just need you to know that I love you. Even when I die, I know for sure, that I will keep loving you.

Thank you for making my last few days living so memorable. Thank you for giving me a reason to smile again.

Thank you for replying to that comment before I died.

And yet, here I am, hating you.

Why did you enter my life, when there was no hope no more. I hate you for making me cry. Hate you for making me laugh.

I hate you for making me fall in love with you.

I wonder if you hate me, too...

I'm sorry...

Woohyun  
***

... because you can't change it...

 

Woohyun wipes his tears away, putting the letter in his drawer.

He contemplates writing it anew, since a few of his tears landed on it, but his brother is calling for him. He doesn't have much time left.

He walks down the stairs, his family waiting there for him.

"Are you ready to leave?" His father asks, a little suitcase with a few of Woohyun's things in his hands.

 

... because you can't fight it...

 

"Yes." No, no Woohyun isn't ready. How does one get ready to die?

At one point he was ready to die, he was okay with the idea dying. After all his death was predetermined. But then, someone entered his life and stood in his way.

Woohyun smiles at them as he walks down the stairs.

His mother's eyes are puffy, his father's bloodshot, and his brother walks ahead to the car. Woohyun sees his wet sleeves.

Woohyun smiles because in a few days he may die, but they will still be here, drowning in sadness and sorrow.

Woohyun can smile for them. It's the last he can do.

When he leaves the house, it's raining again.

And there it is again, Sunggyu's voice.

"W... Woohyun?" Woohyun turns around, same sad smile on his face, which had hunted Sunggyu over and over again.

 

... because it's predetermined...

 

"I'm going."

*****


End file.
